I wanna passion pit in your ass
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
