Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize
