I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
Randomize
