I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
50% drunk capacity currently
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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