a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
