I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Randomize
