Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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