sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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