She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
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