You're so nebulous sometimes
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
