everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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