I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
