i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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