I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
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