he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Randomize
