Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
