i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Randomize
