I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
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