maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
