i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
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