You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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