all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
They have beer where we have blood.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
