6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
