i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
Randomize
