Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
