Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
