smell my finger.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
