Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
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