my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Randomize