____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
