If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
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