i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
