you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize
