moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize