his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
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