I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
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