Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Randomize
