they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize