Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
