real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
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