She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Randomize
