you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Randomize