I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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