On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
