I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
