Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize