DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
