you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
