we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Randomize
