So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize