My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
