Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
