"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
