even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
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