I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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