...so i touched it.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
