ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
she told me i tasted like america
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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