never play flip cup with pint glasses
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
