So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
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