i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
