This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize