so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Randomize
