Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
