I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
