I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
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