we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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