i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Randomize
