Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize