I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
