just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
