Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
lol hangovers are for mortals.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
