is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Randomize
