i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
