Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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