I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
