I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
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