He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
I am mentally ready for anal.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
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