Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
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