I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Randomize
