So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
