Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Randomize
