HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Randomize
