I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
