we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize