After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
