hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
