just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
