Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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