I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize