youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
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