She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Well I just put wine in my tea
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
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