Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Randomize
