My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
i love accidental penises.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Every concussion has its silver lining
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Randomize