you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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