Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
