Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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