I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
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