I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Please, let me fuck your mom
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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