even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
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