I wannas sexs uuuuu
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Randomize
