This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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