let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
