I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
